A Mom's Guide to When Our Daughters Go From Sweet to Sass

As mothers, we generally realize our parenting journey will be filled with the joys and challenges of raising our daughters. One particular challenge that many moms face is at some point navigating the sassy stage – that phase where our once sweet girls seem to transform into sassy tweens overnight. If you find yourself at your wit's end, wondering if you're doing something wrong or if your daughter's behavior is typical, keep reading. In this article, we'll explore 7 practical tips to help you cope with those attitudes from your daughter to keep you feeling confident and connected, even in the sassy moments.

1. Stay Calm. Don't Take it Personally:

The eye rolls and the comments like "you're annoying" or "you're so cringe" can make any mom question her parenting. The first key to handling this sassiness is to stay calm and not take it personally. It's frustrating, and the words can sting, but reacting emotionally only escalates the situation into a power struggle. And nothing great happens when stuck in a power struggle. Instead, acknowledge the sting, take a deep breath, maintain your composure, and remember it's just a phase, and it isn’t about you.

2. Model Respectful Behavior:

Children learn best by example; modeling respectful behavior is a powerful way to teach your daughter appropriate communication. Effective communication is a skill. A skill even many adults still need to learn. Which is why staying calm is necessary first. It's here where you can clearly and calmly state your boundaries and expectations about appropriate ways to share and express your thoughts. For instance, when faced with a snarky response like "You're so annoying" to your chore request, you can respond with, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. I expect the chore to be done sometime in the next half hour." Alternatively, if she's outright rude, you can respond in a firm but respectful tone: "That sounded rude. You can try that again." It's about setting firm but respectful boundaries and modeling kindness with firmness.

3. Choose Your Battles Wisely:

That said, not every eye roll or sassy comment requires a full-blown response. Choose your battles wisely, focusing on significant behavioral issues and ongoing patterns rather than nitpicking every sarcastic remark. If we as parents pounce on every offense or error, they may become more discouraged and less inclined to make positive changes. This approach of not harping on every little thing helps maintain a healthier and more effective approach to discipline, guiding, and teaching when it really matters.

4. Look Beyond the Words into Their World:

Taking time to look into and understand better your daughter's world can be helpful during these sassy moments. Consider the time of day: before or after school (stress?), close to dinner or bedtime? Could she be tired or hungry? Does she have any big events coming up? By seeking and addressing other potential underlying issues, you can shift from a reactive to a more responsive approach, creating more openness and opportunities for effective communication. And also, not take it personally. 

5. Foster Open Communication:

Encourage your daughter to express herself positively by fostering open communication. Create a safe space for her to share her thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. This takes practicing active listening and reflective responding and learning to listen more than talk. This helps build trust and may reduce the need for sassiness as a form of expression to be heard.

6. 1x1 Special Fun Time:

If sassiness becomes a pattern, it might indicate a deeper need for connection. When was the last time you had fun, just because? Plan one-on-one special fun time with your daughter – a coffee date, a lunch outing, or an activity she enjoys. Reconnect and strengthen your bond. Side note: these moments don't need to be big and grandiose. Small moments mean more than you know over time.

7. Discuss Boundaries, Expectations, and Respect:

Engage in open conversations about boundaries, expectations, and the importance of respect and kindness in your relationship outside the sassy moments. When everyone is calm and able to think and converse, try letting her know you are noticing the sassiness, and while you don't appreciate it, you understand it can happen and want to come up with what can be done instead. This approach of "You're not in trouble. Let's figure this out together” increases the likeliness of more collaboration from your daughter in developing a plan for handling moments of disrespect. Some ideas could involve using a code word, implementing a "do-over agreement" when sassiness occurs, or agreeing to take a break and revisit the conversation later.

Navigating the sassy stage with our ever-growing daughters requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. And the ability to stay calm. By incorporating these strategies into your parenting toolkit, you'll better address the immediate sassiness and foster a deeper connection with your daughter, ensuring a more harmonious relationship as she navigates the challenges of growing up. Creating an element of being on the same team and working together to build a foundation of respect, kindness, and understanding with each other takes time, patience, and skill. Embrace the journey, knowing that this, too, shall pass and that you are creating a stronger, lifelong bond between you and your daughter.

If you want more support around creating more connections and effective communication with your daughter, book a complimentary call with me today. Use the Work with Me link at the top of the website page.

You've got this, Mama!

xx

Claire

Claire is a PCI Certified® Parent Coach and Positive Parenting Educator, helping hundreds of parents struggling with frustration, anger, and yelling become calmer and confident and creating more connected families for almost ten years. She's also a stepmom/mom of 4 young adult children and lives in Santa Barbara with her husband and fur baby, Bella.