I Yelled at My Child. Now What?

We’ve all been there.

You’ve had a long day; your kids are fighting, the house is a mess, and no one is listening to you, and suddenly—you lose it. You yell, scream, or say something you wish you hadn’t. As the echoes of your outburst settle, guilt creeps in, leaving you wondering, “What have I just done? Is this how my kids will remember me? Why can’t I seem to get this right?”

If this sounds familiar, let me reassure you: you’re not alone.

Losing your temper doesn’t make you a “bad parent.” It makes you human. The truth is, what happens after you yell matters even more than the yelling itself. As a parent coach who helps overwhelmed moms stay regulated and connected to their kids, I want you to know that moments like these—while painful—can become opportunities for growth, repair, and deeper connection.

1. Pause, Reflect, and Take Responsibility

When you yell, you must own your mistake without shame. Your kids don’t need a “perfect” parent who never gets upset; they need one who can model emotional responsibility.

Here’s an example of what you might say:
“I’m sorry I yelled earlier. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t handle my emotions how I wanted to. That wasn’t okay, and I’m working on it.”

This kind of admission helps your child understand:

• Emotions are normal.
• Yelling happens, but it’s not the way we solve problems.
• It’s okay to make mistakes as long as we take responsibility and repair.

Owning your behavior doesn’t diminish your authority; it builds trust. It shows your kids that even adults mess up, but we can do better next time.

2. Repair the Relationship

When parents yell, kids can feel hurt, scared, or disconnected. After you apologize, focus on repairing the connection. Repair is about making your child feel seen, heard, and safe again.

Try something like this:
“I love you, and I’m working on being calmer next time. Is there anything you’d like to share about what happened or how you feel?”

Opening the door for your child to process any feelings they may have about the incident helps you and your child feel more seen, heard, and understood, which fosters a deeper connection for both of you.

3. Model Emotional Regulation and Reconcile

Turning a challenging moment into a positive one comes down to modeling. Your kids are watching you learn from your mistakes, which is a powerful lesson.

Instead of pretending the yelling never happened, you can walk them through what you’re learning:

• “I realized I need a break when I feel really upset, so next time, I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”
• “I noticed I wasn’t taking care of myself today, making it harder to stay calm. I will try to take more time to rest and recharge so that doesn’t happen.”

When you model healthy emotional behaviors, you teach your child how to handle their own big emotions. You show them that feeling overwhelmed is okay and that there’s a better way to respond.

4. What Parents Need to Know About These Moments

Let’s be honest—yelling doesn’t feel good for your kids or yourself. As parents, after yelling or losing our cool - we often carry guilt or embarrassment, especially when trying to raise kind, emotionally intelligent kids. But here’s what I want you to know:

• Yelling is a signal, not a failure. It’s a sign that your emotional “cup” is empty. Take it as a cue to reflect and determine what you might need. Meeting your needs outside these moments will help you stay calmer and more regulated in the challenging moments.
• You can repair and reconnect. Your kids don’t need perfection; they need connection. Repairing after you yell is what matters most, and it creates incredible opportunities to share and learn more about each other, deepening and strengthening relationships.
• You’re not alone. Every parent has had these moments. What matters is that you’re aware and committed to growth—for yourself and your kids.

5. How The C.A.R.E.S. Approach to Parenting™ Can Help

As a parent coach, I use and teach a method I created called The C.A.R.E.S. Approach to Parenting™. It’s an approach designed to help parents navigate emotional overwhelm and challenging moments without yelling by focusing on learning and understanding the following:

• Catching Yourself: learning how to pause before you lose your temper. Yelling less is more about skills than about will - promising you won’t ever yell again.
• Assessing: what’s happening from a regulated state allows you to move forward more effectively with your child.
• Remembering the Relationship: shifting from conflict and control to connection and collaboration.
• Engaging: your child through curiosity and active listening that makes them feel heard and understood.
• Seeking Resolutions: When your child feels you have seen their perspective, they are more receptive to what you may have to say to help teach or guide them. Doing so fosters trust and cooperation, which increases the likelihood of collaboration and problem-solving. 

The C.A.R.E.S. Approach to Parenting™ helps you learn new skills to regulate yourself in challenging moments so you can move forward with your child in challenging moments in a more effective way. A way that allows you to be in a relationship and solve problems together from a place of connection rather than the conflict you were finding yourself in before. 

Final Thoughts: 

So, what should you do when you yell, say something you wish you hadn’t said, or behave in a way you did not want?  First, remember that it’s not about being perfect. We all make mistakes. Offer yourself some self-compassion. You’re always learning and growing. Take a deep breath, recognize and own your mistake. You yelled. You said something you wished you hadn’t said. Whatever your mistake was, be specific and own it as yours. Then, take a moment to reconnect with your child and reconcile. Apologize directly for your mistake. Repair the relationship, and allow your child the opportunity to share their experience. Validate their experience. If you have a problem, ask your child how you would like to handle it next time. What can you do to make it work better? 

Doing this shows your kids that mistakes are a part of being human. When you model that for your kids, you teach them how to handle big emotions and be in relationships with those around them with compassion, patience, collaboration, and love. 

About Claire Cetti
Claire Cetti is a parent coach—also known as the Yell-LESS Mom Coach—who helps moms struggling with frustration, anger, and yelling through her C.A.R.E.S. Approach to Parenting™, which empowers parents to stay regulated, confident, and connected—even in the most challenging moments.

To learn more, visit www.ccparentcoach.com